


Baby,

by yoditorian



Series: Love Letters [3]
Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: A little angst, F/M, M/M, steve and connie get a brief mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoditorian/pseuds/yoditorian
Summary: An entry from my 'Love Letters' series, wherein requested characters have written short love letters to the reader. From requests I've received on my tumblr.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Series: Love Letters [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2202117
Kudos: 4





	Baby,

Baby,

I should be saying this to your face, I know that. But I wanted to take my time on something you could hold in your hands and know is yours. I know I don’t give you that.

I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.

I am beyond lucky to have someone like you love me the way that you do, even when I don’t deserve it. Even when I spend all my hours working, even when I bring that home to you. I’m not a good man, there’s a lot I’ve done that I’m not proud of. But you love me anyway.

You don’t deserve the way I’ve treated you. I think we both know that if my dad found out, he’d walk all the way here just to tell me he raised me better. He did. I need to remember that.

I shouldn’t have snapped at you the way I did. I won’t try to explain it away or blame it on work, that doesn’t change the fact that I raised my voice at you when I swore I would never do that. I am deeply sorry. 

This is the part where I’m supposed to make all these lofty promises about the future and how we’ll never fight like this again, but neither of us are that stupid. Instead, I can promise that we’re going to have the same dumbass fights over and over and no one will ever win, but I’ll always order your favourite takeout and maybe we’ll make amends. 

I can’t say I won’t let everything else get to me again, but I can tell you that I’m in this. Whatever you want that to mean.

One promise I can make is that it’s your turn after this. You get to pick where we go, I’ll follow anywhere you want as long as you want me. Name it and we’ll go, I swear I won’t complain even a little bit. You get to make those choices from now on. 

Things will get bumpy again because that’s what things do, but that doesn’t mean you’re not everything to me. I don’t say it enough. I love you, so much that I don’t really know what to do with it all.

I know that forgiveness takes time and you will take however long you need. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to come home. 

I take a lot, I know that, but I’ll try for you. You know I’d give you the moon if you asked, but I shouldn’t keep asking you to give up so much for me, my job. Nothing here is worth losing you. I’m sorry it took until you walked out for me to realise that. I’m going to get better at it, my priority is you.

I think I forget that you experience everything I do, the things I see and have to do, however indirectly.

I’d say I hope Connie’s taking care of you, but I know she is. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been getting judgy eyes from Murphy over case files for the last couple days. So I’m glad you have people you can go to when you can’t come to me. You always can, but I know you don’t always want to. 

I love you, I miss you, and I’m sorry. I’ll spend my life making this up to you if you’ll let me. 

Read this, or don’t. Just come home so we can talk about it? This bed is too big and I know that couch is fucking up your back.

Javi

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi or request a character on my tumblr - @yoditorian


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